Dead To Me - [27]

And so Janet stood, humming with tension, while the pupils streamed into school. While the clock struck nine and the invigilator told them to turn over their papers. While her fellow pupils printed their names and began to read through the questions. She stood, cold and shaky. Where could she go?

‘Janet?’

Ade from down the road. Lower sixth. ‘You lost?’ He smiled, his little joke.

She began to shiver.

‘Shouldn’t you be in there?’

‘I can’t, I can’t…’ she stammered. Words failing. Janet failing.

‘OK.’ He came closer, concern in his face. But not fear. Why wasn’t he frightened? If he knew what she was thinking… She bit her knuckles, rocking forward.

He put his arm around her, it felt warm across her shoulders, safe.

‘Would you like to go home?’ he said.

She nodded.

‘OK, then.’ And he walked her back. He was so kind. Here she was, a total nutter, throwing a fit, and he didn’t freak or anything, just walked her back. Went in with her, made a cup of tea.

‘I’m scared,’ she told him, her eyes stinging, her body trembling, nerves singing. ‘I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.’

He put his hand on her arm. ‘Do you want me to ring the doctor?’

She had seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Felt a fresh lurch of fear. ‘What will they do?’

‘Don’t know,’ he admitted. ‘But they’ll try and help, yeah? What about your mum?’

‘No!’ Janet didn’t want her parents, didn’t want to have to explain. See the look on their faces when they knew she had missed her exam.

Ade shrugged and phoned the surgery for her. She was biting her hand again and she tasted blood.

He waited while they came and talked to her. Even when Janet let the panic free and began to hit at the table and talk too fast, he stayed.

And then he came to visit. Getting the bus three times a week. He made her smile, he brought her little treats, left her letters. He was solid. Unfazed. Their first kiss – on the psychiatric ward.

She got better, came home, re-did fifth form. Passed her exams the year Ade did his A-levels. He went to Leeds to do Geography. Janet had chosen Sociology, English and Biology at A-level. Courses that the careers service said would be useful for her ambition to join the police. She hadn’t saved Veronica, but maybe one day she could find out what had happened to her. Get her some justice. And if not for Veronica, then maybe she could do the same for other families.

Ade, her knight in shining armour. Not just then but later. She’d said as much to Gill in the long dark days after Joshua’s death: He rescued me.

14

GILL WORKED TILL half eight then called it a day. Drove home and found Sammy playing on the Xbox, his friends gone. She thought she could smell the faint trace of tobacco, but wasn’t sure enough to challenge him.

‘Revision?’ she asked.

‘Done a bit.’

‘Enough?’

He nodded his head.

‘OK.’

She put the fresh tuna on the griddle and dug out some salad, emptied leftover potatoes into a dish for the microwave. She had got into the habit of making extra food to use up the following day and save herself time.

The kitchen wasn’t too messy, though the waste bin was overflowing with plastic pop bottles and pot noodle containers. Why was it beyond Sammy to make use of the recycling bins? She took the bottles outside. The temperature had plummeted and the cold nipped at her fingers and nose. She could see lights glowing from the windows of the farmhouse on the moor. Above, the cloud had cleared and she could make out some stars. Not many, not like on holidays. That was one of the things that was so memorable about trips away, so vivid. The wealth of stars under foreign skies. Sitting on a veranda with Dave while Sammy slept soundly, exhausted by the day’s snorkelling or skiing. Gill relishing their time together. They had some brilliant holidays – not many, it had been a nightmare getting their diaries in synch for time off. Especially as they had to go in school breaks. So when they could pull it off, they went all out. Splurged on the Maldives, the Rockies, or a safari in Kenya. Scuba-diving. White-water rapids. They worked so hard the rest of the time. ‘We deserve it,’ Dave would say. And she agreed.

All that had changed. No fancy holidays now.

She dashed back in and put the food on her plate. Once she’d finished eating she dug out the chocolate from its hiding place in the top cupboard. As if by magic, Sammy wandered in.

‘Oh, yes,’ he said, seeing the slab.

‘Mine.’ Gill narrowed her eyes.

‘One piece – go on.’

She gave him a black look, broke off a bit and handed it to him. ‘Give you spots,’ she warned.

‘I’ve already got spots,’ he said. ‘Oh, it was well good…’ his eyes lit up, ‘in the Russian test, the one before ours, this girl said she felt ill and the teacher said she couldn’t leave the room and she just barfed, like threw up everywhere. And the worst thing was’ – his face animated, relishing the memory – ‘the rest of them had to stay there and do the test after that!’

‘They cleared it up?’ Gill said.

‘Yeah, but you could still smell it. We could even smell it in the afternoon. They should give us extra marks.’