The Last Confession of Thomas Hawkins - [85]

How I wished I could speak to him that long, cruel night! Not for counsel – I knew what I must do. Nor for his lectures, heaven help me – I’d heard enough of those over the years. What I yearned for was his comfort and reassurance. My father would understand and approve of my decision to save Alice, though it threatened my own life. And he would pray for me.

Kitty would neverunderstand. She would throw Alice to a pack of starving wolves if she thought it would save me. True, she did not know for certain, as I did, that Alice was innocent. But did I honestly think that would have made a difference to her? The fact that I could ask the question and not know the answer was disturbing.

Alone in my cell I faced the bare truth of the matter at last. I must renounce Kitty, for her own sake. She loved me with a ferocity that made her reckless. It was a dangerous love – one she had risked her life for. One she had killed for.

I could become the shadow crouched waiting at the door. I could walk out of Newgate tomorrow and take up my old life. And an innocent girl would hang.

It had never been a possibility. My old life was gone. It had only ever been a short dream between two prisons. I must awake from that dream and accept my fate. The shadow lifted and dissolved.

Light filtered through the barred window, brightening the room. I could hear the swish and scrape of a broom as a maid swept the floor outside my cell. Morning. Kitty would be hurrying through the streets, a dress covered in thick bloodstains rolled up in her basket. Hurrying to save me, not knowing it was my turn to save her this time – her life andher soul.

I took a deep breath and readied myself, practising the words I must say until they fell easily from my tongue. When the turnkey arrived, I was ready, straight-backed and cool, with a hollow space where my heart had been.

‘Are you turned mad?’ Kitty hissed. She grabbed the edges of my coat as if hoping to shake the sense back into me. ‘Tell him the truth, for God’s sake.’

We stood in Mr Rewse’s private room, a fire glowing in the hearth, tea and slices of pound cake upon the table as if we were visiting an old acquaintance. Kitty had unrolled Alice’s gown and thrown it, triumphant, across the desk. It lay there for the governor’s inspection, a nightmare of a thing mottled with rust-red stains. The heat of the fire had loosened the faint scent of stale blood into the air.

Rewse bowed over the dress, examining it with a mixture of revulsion and growing excitement. He scraped at a dried scab of blood, crumbling it between his fingers. He could charge visitors extra for this. ‘You say this dress belongs to your maid?’

‘Alice Dunn,’ Kitty said, releasing me. ‘We both saw her in it, the night Mr Burden was murdered. She escaped through the attic, holding the knife. Sir, this dress is proof that Mr Hawkins is innocent. You must summon Mr Gonson immediately. We will explain everything.’

She was holding on to his jacket now, pulling and twisting the material in her anguish. Stepping back out of the scene I could see her with the governor’s eyes. She looked frantic and desperate and very young. He tugged his coat free and turned to me, not sure what to make of the story. ‘Well, sir?’

I hesitated. Kitty began to shake. ‘Don’t,’ she whispered. ‘Please, Tom. Don’t.’

‘Mr Rewse, I wish this were true. But I cannot implicate a blameless young girl. I have never seen this dress before.’

Rewse inhaled sharply. ‘Mistress Sparks. This was a wicked act…’

‘The guilt is mine,’ I replied. ‘Miss Sparks is a foolish jade, easily duped. The dress was my idea. I grew afraid last night and in my fear I conjured up this story. But in the light of day…’ I glanced at Kitty. ‘I find I cannot throw the blame on to an innocent soul.’

Kitty stared at me, bewildered. ‘Why do you say these lies? They will hang you, Tom. Please. Please. I cannot bear it.’

‘You see, sir,’ I said, forcing myself to ignore her. ‘A pretty, empty-headed bauble. I fear she would do anything to protect me. Indeed I’m sure she would confess to the murder herself if she thought she might save me.’

‘I suppose…’ I could see him pondering his choices. Creating false evidence was a serious matter, but I had owned to it. He did not seem inclined to punish Kitty as well.

I drew him to one side. ‘She believes herself in love, poor wretch. Makes fools of us all, does it not?’

His eyes softened. He gave a rueful nod.

I lowered my voice further. ‘I would be most grateful if you could dismiss the entire matter.’

He sucked his bottom lip, hiding a smile. He had not missed the implicit bribe. Gratitude meant one thing in prison. Payment.

We shook hands – two men of reason who understood the frantic foolishness of young, heartsick girls. It was how Rewse saw the world, and I played upon it. One more lie and then I was done.

Kitty’s face was very pale. She knew what I was about – she would have done the same for me if she could. ‘I am not a fool. I am not empty-headed. I am telling the truth. I have another witness-’