Letters To My Daughter's Killer - [64]

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And I will not write again.

Will I ever be able to think of you before it all went so very wrong, as the young actor with promise and talent, a beautiful face, who loved my daughter so, who cared tenderly for his own little daughter? Can you be both that and the killer, the liar? You have to be if Lizzie is to be complete again and not solely your victim.

Dr Jansen asked about restitution. There is one thing that is more important than anything else. That you put Florence’s needs ahead of your own. Promise never to seek her out or contact her, never disrupt her life again. You say you love her, and I believe you do. So leave her be. Relinquish her. She can be free of the fear that one day you’ll turn up on the doorstep and try to win her back. As can I.

When you took Lizzie, you lost Florence. Accept that.

In addition, I ask this of you – be an example, teach others, however you can. Whatever courses or groups they have in prison, use them to expose your violence, question it, analyse it, challenge it. Show others where it led. Drag it into the public eye, out from behind the sacrament of marriage and the privacy of net curtains and brightly painted front doors. Become an illustration and a force for change.

Do that for Lizzie.

I still have to tread down hard on all the ‘ifs’ that sprout like weeds in warm rain. If only she had told me. If only you had sought help for your violence. They are poisonous thorns, piercing the soles of my feet.

I am coming through the dislocation of my life. The wound is healing but the scar will remain deep and vivid, extensive and life-changing. I’ll never get over what you’ve done but I will learn to live with it. To live and breathe and love.

Yesterday I called at the library. Stella has gone, moved to the private sector, to make some other minion’s life a misery.

I chose a book. I brought it back to the house, and last night I began to read. Just a couple of pages.

It was like coming home. Like I’d found a part of myself again, my humanity.

Farewell.

Ruth


About the Author

Cath Staincliffe is an established novelist, radio playwright and creator of ITV’s hit series, Blue Murder, starring Caroline Quentin as DCI Janine Lewis. Cath was shortlisted for the CWA John Creasey Best First Novel award for her acclaimed Sal Kilkenny series, and for the Dagger in the Library award in 2006. Her latest stand-alone novels all focus on topical moral dilemmas. She was joint winner of the CWA Short Story Dagger award in 2012 for Laptop. She is a founding member of Murder Squad, a group who promote crime fiction.

www.cathstaincliffe.co.uk


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Еще от автора Cath Staincliffe
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Desperate Measures

The fourth Blue Murder novel written by the creator of the hit ITV police drama starring Caroline Quentin as DCI Janine Lewis.A well-respected family GP is found shot dead outside his surgery; who could possibly want to kill him? As DCI Janine Lewis and her team investigate they uncover stories of loyalty, love, deception, betrayal and revenge.Praise for the Blue Murder books'Complex and satisfying in its handling of Lewis's agonised attempts to be both a good cop and a good mother.' The Sunday Times'Uncluttered and finely detailed prose.' Birmingham Post'Beautifully realised little snapshots of the different characters' lives… Compelling stuff.' Sherlock Magazine'A swift, satisfying read.' City Life'Precise and detailed delineation of contemporary family relationships.' Tangled Web'Lewis seems set to become another very popular string to Staincliffe's bow as one of the leading English murder writers.' Manchester Metro'Pace and plenty of human interest.' Publishing News'Blending the warmth of family life with the demands of a police investigation.'Manchester Evening News'Juggling work and family is a challenge of modern life and encountering realistically portrayed women with family responsibilities is a pleasure.

The Kindest Thing

Your husband, your family, your freedom. What would you sacrifice for love? A love story, a modern nightmare and an honest and incisive portrayal of a woman who honours her husband's wish to die and finds herself in the dock for murder.When Deborah reluctantly helps her beloved husband Neil end his life and conceals the truth, she is charged with murder. As the trial unfolds and her daughter Sophie testifies against her, Deborah, still reeling with grief, fights to defend her actions. Twelve jurors hold her fate in their hands, if found guilty she will serve a life sentence.

Go Not Gently

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