Wedding Bell Blues - [4]

Once inside, Lily followed the sound of the maudlin organ music and slipped into a back pew inthe sanctuary. An old lady in a wig that was slightly askew pounded on the pipe organ — one of thosedroning songs from the Baptist Hymnal. Was it “Rock of Ages” or “Blessed Assurance”? Lily could neverkeep those oldies-but-oldies straight, and her memory wasn’t aided by the fact that the goal of mostWASP church musicians seemed to be to make all the songs sound as much alike as possible.

The stark white sanctuary was huge, but fewer than twenty people sat in the pews: Charlotte’sparents, recognizable because of Ida Maycomb’s helmet of rigidly coiffed brown hair and CharlesMaycomb’s shiny bald pate; Charlotte’s brother Mike, there with his wife and two kids; and a few ofCharlotte’s aunts and uncles. Lily figured that the other people in attendance were the types who waitedaround for the church doors to be unlocked so they could dart in and warm a pew. If this had been a realmemorial service, instead of Ida and Charles Maycomb’s half-assed attempt to mark the passing of thedaughter they never approved of, the turnout would have been pathetic.

After the pipe organ breathed its last, a puffy man whose gray hair matched his gray three-piecesuit took his place behind the podium. “We gather here today,” he said, his voice dripping with mocksolemnity, “to mourn the passing of the daughter of two of our congregation’s most beloved members, Idaand Charles Maycomb.”

Lily saw where this was going. Charlotte wasn’t even going to get top billing at her own memorialservice.

“As Scripture has shown us,” the reverend continued, “there are few experiences more painfulthan the death of a child. When God tests Job, he takes his children from him. And just as Job wept for hislost children, today we join Ida and Charles Maycomb in weeping for their lost child, CharlotteMaycomb.”

Lily shifted Mimi’s weight on her lap. Lost child? Charlotte had been thirty-eight years old.

“And as always, Charlotte’s passing gives us the opportunity to ask ourselves: Are we really livingour lives in a way that would make Jesus proud?” The rev was curiously puffy — not fat, exactly, butbloated, as though someone had given him an enema with the air from a bicycle pump. “Or when our timecomes and we stand before Saint Peter at the pearly gates, are we going to have some explaining to do?

Today, as we observe Charlotte’s passing, I urge you all to think: If Jesus took you today, where wouldyou spend eternity?”

Lily heard Ida’s sobs. No doubt she was contemplating her sinful lesbian daughter frying extra-crispy in the fires of hell. Lily had no doubt that Charlotte’s sinfulness was the not-so-subtle subtext of therev’s little sermon. What made it all the more irritating was his delivery. For some reason, Lily didn’tobject to the loud-mouthed hellfire-and-brimstone preachers as much as preachers like Mr. CalvaryBaptist here. While the ideas he expressed were the same old damnation-and-judgment mambo, he spokein sweet, subdued tones with a simper on his face that Lily longed to slap off. The only thing worse thanregular hellfire and brimstone, Lily decided, was candy-coated hellfire and brimstone.

Lily spaced out for a few comparatively pleasant minutes, but when her attention returned to thegray three-piece suit behind the podium, he said, “And now, we’re going to hear from somebody whoholds our dearly departed in a very special place in his heart. I ask you: What can be more tender, moreprotective and sweet than a big brother’s love for his little sister? Michael Charles Maycomb, won’t youcome up and say a few words?”

Mike? Lily nearly dropped the baby off her lap in shock. According to Charlotte, Mike had beenintent on making Charlotte’s life as unpleasant as possible from the moment she was born. WhenCharlotte was an infant, her baby skin was covered with bruises from where Mike used to pinch her whennobody was looking. When she was a little girl, Mike took the axe from the toolshed and chopped hernew red wagon into splinters. When, as a young adolescent, Charlotte began to develop at a rapid rate,Mike insisted on calling her “Jugs.” And this was only the stuff Charlotte had told Lily about. No matterwhat Mike did when they were growing up, Charlotte told Lily, her parents dismissed it with clichés like,

“Boys will be boys.”

Now Mike was president of the Cobb County chapter of the Lord’s Lieutenants, an all-maleChristian paramilitary organization devoted to preserving traditional Christian values, particularly as theypertain to the submission of women. Prior to her death, Charlotte only saw Mike at unavoidable familyoccasions. Once, Charlotte had told Lily, Mike had cornered her and told her how being the liberal shewas, she should appreciate the Lord’s Lieutenants because they happily accepted black, Latino, and Asianmen into their ranks. Charlotte had replied, “How beautiful ... all races, creeds, and colors united in thespirit of misogyny.”

Charlotte told Lily afterward that she was sure this comment would have really pissed Mike off, if