A pirhana is pleasant but watch out for his teeth.
Get a rodent, they can be found in the mall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
You tail-lifting buggers from Ramtop or plain
If you take my advice you will save yourself pain
When the base urges strike you it's best to recall
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all
CHORUS
Your hedgehog's a handful and cute as a bun
You'd think he'd be perfect for animal fun
But hatpin-like pubic hairs prove to us all
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
You can top a giraffe if you stand on a stool
Though a Jack Russell might make you look like a fool
But the fact still remains that if you want to ball
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
You can hump a baboon if it doesn't hump you
And a wildebeest's really got something quite gnu
Carouse with a louse if your weenie is small
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
CHORUS
It's hard with a crab 'cause its bum's watertight
The best way is sideways, then twist to the right
If you screw one, be thankful as shorewards you crawl
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
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This is the alt.fan.pratchett version of the Hedgehog Song. The original version was thought up by Matthew Crosby, and has since then been streamlined and expanded by readers of the newsgroup.
If you have any suggestions for improvements or additional verses, please feel free to post them to alt.fan.pratchett, or mail them to Matthew Crosby ([email protected]) or Leo Breebaart ([email protected]).
Note from Matthew: "BTW, I know the giraffe verse in the book is 'if you stand on a stool', but this doesn't really rhyme. I've tried to insert all the other scraps Pterry has given us… if I missed any, let me know."
