История одного развода - [22]

We continued to write every day letters and I began to call him. It was good I had some money and could pay big phone bills. Sometimes I even didn't know what I want to say and what I want to hear from him, I wanted to hear his voice, to be close to him. I even didn't understand how I began to fell in love with him, how Ted became necessary thing in my life. I already couldn't live without communication with him. I was worry when I didn't get letters from him and asked God to send me e-mail.

I was working and sometimes it was fun how during my launch when I should to cook dinner for kids on the kitchen I was running between kitchen and told with Ted on computer. Few times we argued but very fast we found piece. I discovered I can't be angry with Ted long time, I felt bad and best way was piece. One time when we told with him in ICQ, Ted told me Deb came and she is here. I misunderstood him and thought they are together near computer and look at writing foolish russian girl. I was shocked. It was late night for me and I should turn off computer suddenly because Oleg came from bed and began to complain I still with computer so late. Yes, it was truth last time I began to prefer spend more time talking on computer with Ted than with him. Ted was in my heart. I felt very bad after this case and called to Ted few times to understand situation right.

I always felt Ted is very sexy man and very often I closed my eyes and imaged how we could making love with him. Before my sleeping my favorite thing was to think about Ted, to image what he is doing now, how he is looking. It made me smile on my face, I began to love him in my heart although I didn't understand this and didn't want to believe in it.

Close to the spring I began to think about visit him in the states. At first it was shocked idea for me, for my family but then with some time this idea wasn't new and I began to do real steps to do this day true. I got my foreign passport and started to keep money for tickets. I knew I will not be able to gather money for tickets, visa, living there. I told about this Ted and he promised to help me and to send invitation.

Summer went fast I got next package from Ted and sent him my video. I tried to be on video nice and sexy but now I am seeing how it was silly. Why people always want to be better than they are?..lol.

Ted's letters were so interesting and one day I printed almost all his letters and then I enjoyed reading of them. I understood he knows women very well and he has big experience, only I didn't know what.

In summer on my birthday I got beautiful red roses from Ted and it was a surprise for me. I was very happy! It sounds so great Ted sent flowers from the states! In same moment we told with Ted on computer and I told me how I am happy with his present. These flowers were long time and I didn't want through away when they died because they remind me about Ted.

After summer I began to think seriously about visit to Ted. He also had already strong wish to see me this time. I didn't know about all events in his life but later when I knew many things became to be understandable for me. I was jealous and after few conversations with him we decided he will not tell me about his women even I will ask him about this. And how I knew then he had many secrets from me. I don't know may be it was right, because if I knew truth I never came to visit him. I understood he is live person and can have some sexy relationships but even this thought was unpleasant for me, I don't know why I decided he should be only mine.

I wanted to visit new country but also I had strong wish to see Ted and I didn't know what I wanted more. I still continued to communicate with some people in interenet but after Ted they weren't interesting for me. I was disappointed in them very fast. Everybody wanted only to have more my pics or to have sexy conversations. I didn't want that and understood to have such conversation is more excited with man which you know and like. For me it was Ted. My Theodore Earl St.Mane! How often I pronounce this name!

Online I prefer him many men who wanted to talk with me, for me he was number 1. I got used to think about him every day, there wasn't any day when I didn't remember about him. I still was married and he became my second pleasant life, my virtual love. I understood we can't be together I have family, good family. I never didn't love my husband but he was good as father of my kids and we had good home. I lived without love but I had quiet good life. It was afraid to think what could happened if we will fall in love with Ted in real life. This thought bothered him also because we didn't see way to be together. We lived in different countries with different cultures and languages and so far from each other. I didn't know what I will find in the states if I will fly to the Ted. I was ready to be disappointed with him but I hoped we could be good friends if not lovers. But all our conversations were very close we will be lovers, we wanted each other although didn't see each other in real life. I remember Ted's expression: "What do you consider unpossible for our meeting in real life? Distance? Money? No…all depends from wish of people"