Dead To Me - [22]

‘Buy twenty fags for that,’ Rachel said, scowling, seemingly crushed that she couldn’t make sense of it.

She remained preoccupied over lunch, the cab business obviously bugging her. But Janet didn’t know that there was anything in it. Some folk had weird ways of budgeting. They saw it all the time: people with no carpets or curtains and a TV the size of a small car.

Gill had left instructions for Andy and Janet to co-ordinate reports for a case update and pull everyone in for early evening. Janet felt the familiar trip of her heart when she joined Andy in the meeting room.

‘Made a start,’ he said. ‘Further forensics’ – he pointed to a pile of printouts – ‘witness statements, Sean Broughton and’ – he indicated another pile – ‘Denise Finn.’

‘Fine.’ Janet nodded to the piles. ‘Rachel’s typing up the info from the personal advisor and I’ve adjusted the timeline. Cabbie set her down at quarter past one.’

‘You want to start collating and I’ll get Rachel?’ He gave her a quick smile. The way he looked at her sometimes, she wondered if he could tell the old attraction hadn’t gone away completely, could sense that she occasionally daydreamed about him. Like a lovesick teenager. Way back in training, that’s when Janet first met Andy, had a fling – until she came to her senses and married Ade. The men were physically very different, Ade stouter, shorter; Andy leaner, taller. Andy had quick, bright eyes. These days there was an energy about Andy quite unlike Ade. It was as if Ade’s batteries had worn down somewhere along the way and he couldn’t be bothered to recharge them. Not that Andy was hyper or anything, but he was engaged, sharp, keen. It was a bonus, having him there in the syndicate – one she kept to herself – enjoying the chance to work with him, have the occasional flirtatious thought. Harmless, she told herself.

Janet sat at the desk, pulling reports from each pile into sets for the team. The arguments between her and Ade seemed to erupt with increasing frequency. Any exchange about the house or the cars or the girls suddenly exploding into a blame game over who was supposed to be sorting what out. Her overtime was unpredictable, her hours out of the house often longer than his, and Ade flung this back at her every chance he got. In the middle of their most recent row, he’d accused her of preferring being at work to being at home. ‘I’m sick of living like a single parent,’ he said. ‘I do the lot and I get no thanks for it.’ Trying to make her feel guilty – and succeeding, though she would not let it show, would not give him the satisfaction. And even after the rows were over, the atmosphere lingered. Ade could man the barricades for days, his bitter silence like a chemical weapon. Janet always crumbled first, said sorry. Which allowed him to do likewise… till next time.

She must have sighed out loud as Andy came back in because he said, ‘Problem?’

‘No, nothing.’

‘If you need me to have a word with Rachel…’ he volunteered. As sergeant, he had a different relationship to the DCs, could make use of his rank. Either to admonish or advise.

‘No, that’s fine, thanks.’

He was still watching her and Janet felt her skin glow warm, hated that she was blushing. He seemed to be thinking, hesitant. ‘You really all right?’ He sounded genuinely concerned.

She had a sudden urge to confide in him. Bad idea. Instead, she generalized: ‘Oh, you know, kids, work – sometimes there’s just not enough hours in the day.’ She should be happy, counting her blessings: great job, kids safe, roof over her head, food on the table. Ade there to man the lifeboats, even if he wasn’t a red-hot rocking Romeo any more (was he ever?) But the shine had gone. Some days felt like a grind.

‘And we pick one up right in time for Christmas.’

‘Oh, we’ll have cracked it by then,’ Janet joked.

She had all that to do as well: Christmas presents. Most of it she’d do online, spend more than she intended because it was so easy to push a button. Taisie wanted money, but Janet baulked at that. Seemed so empty. Compromise maybe: half money, half gift. Inline skates? And what to get Ade? Nothing he needed. Some book? Janet groaned inwardly. She could suggest a weekend away – treat themselves. Mum’d watch the girls. A place with a spa and nice woodland walks, up in the Lakes maybe. It all sounded great, but the prospect of forty-eight hours alone together without demands and distractions, without work and domestic chores… She’d go mad.

How did it come to this? she thought sadly. What do I do? Let it drift on until… what? The kids leave home and we go our separate ways? Her stomach turned cold at the thought.

‘Can’t find Rachel,’ Andy said.

‘Did you try outside? She’s probably having a fag. I’ll see.’ She set off. Elise, what did Elise want? Apart from an iPad, which was more than a few quid too far.

12

GILL WAS READY, the team were assembled round the table. All except one.

‘Where’s Rachel?’ Gill demanded.

Janet shrugged.

‘Anyone?’ Gill said.

They sat there like a load of muppets. No one missed the briefing. Not without Gill’s express permission. The team relied on everyone carrying their weight. Absent staff led to gaps in the shared knowledge that was crucial to a well-run investigation. ‘We got her report?’