Боги - [4]

Мы медленно бредем вдоль заборов. Кладбище уже недалеко. Вот и оно, островок весенней белизны и зелени, посреди пыльной пустоши. Дальше иди одна. Я подожду тебя здесь. Быстрая смущенная улыбка в твоем взгляде. Ты хорошо меня знаешь … Заскрипела, и со стуком захлопнулась калитка. Я одиноко уселся на редкую травку. Недалеко отсюда огороды с фиолетовой капустой. За пустующими участками - заводские корпуса, жизнерадостный кирпичный бегемот[3] парит в лазоревом тумане. У моих ног - поблескивает раздавленная жестянка с засыпанными песком заржавелыми внутренностями. Вокруг тишина и какая-то весенняя пустота. Смерти нет. Сзади ветерок наталкивается на меня и как мягкая игрушка щекочет своими пушистыми лапами шею. Смерть невозможна.

Сердце мое тоже летит сквозь зарю. У нас с тобой будет новый, золотой сын, дитя твоих слез и моих сказок. Я познал сегодня красоту перекрещивающихся в небесах проводов и мозаики фабричных труб в тумане, и этой ржавой жестянки с ее вывернутой наизнанку, полу оторванной, зазубренной крышкой. Слабая травка торопится, торопится куда-то вдаль по пыльным волнам пустырей. Поднимаю руку. Солнечный свет проходит сквозь мою кожу. Кожа покрывается разноцветным сверканием.

И мне хочется вскочить, распахнуть руки для громадных объятий, обратив пространную, блестящую речь к невидимым толпам. И начну я так: "O rainbow-colored gods . . ."

/О радужно-сияющие Боги… О радугой расцвеченные боги… О радужно окрашенные боги…/

Vladimir Nabokov Gods

© Copyright 1924 by Vladimir Nabokov

© Copyright by Dmitry Nabokov, english translation

HERE is what I see in your eyes right now: rainy night, narrow street, streetlamps gliding away into the distance. The water runs down the drainpipes from steeply sloping roofs. Under the snake's-mouth of each pipe stands a green-hooped bucket. Rows of buckets line the black walls on either side of the street. I watch as they fill with cold mercury. The pluvial mercury swells and overflows. The bareheaded lamps float in the distance, their rays standing on end in the rainy murk. The water in the buckets is overflowing. Thus I gain entry to your overcast eyes, to a narrow alley of black glimmer where the nocturnal rain gurgles and rustles. Give me a smile. Why do you look at me so balefully and darkly? It's morning. All night the stars shrieked with infant voices and, on the roof, someone lacerated and caressed a violin with a sharp bow. Look, the sun slowly crossed the wall like a blazing sail. You emanate an enveloping smoky haze. Dust starts swirling in your eyes, millions of golden worlds. You smiled!

We go out on the balcony. It's spring. Below, in the middle of the street, a yellow-curled boy works lickety-split, sketching a god. The god stretches from one sidewalk to the other. The boy is clutching a piece of chalk in his hand, a little piece of white charcoal and he's squatting, circling, drawing with broad strokes. This white god has large white buttons and turned-out feet. Crucified on the asphalt, he looks skyward with round eyes. He has a white arc for a mouth. A log-sized cigar has appeared in his mouth. With helical jabs the boy makes spirals representing smoke. Arms akimbo, he contemplates his work. He adds another button. ... A window frame clanked across the way; a female voice, enormous and happy, rang out summoning him. The boy gave the chalk a punt and dashed inside. On the purplish asphalt remained the white geometric god, gazing skyward.

Your eyes again grew murky. I realized, of course, what you were remembering. In a corner of our bedroom, under the icon, there is a colored rubber ball. Sometimes it hops softly and sadly from the table and rolls gently on the floor.

Put it back in its place under the icon, and then why don't we go take a walk?

Spring air. A little downy. See those lindens lining the street? Black boughs covered with wet green spangles. All the trees in the world arc journeying somewhere. Perpetual pilgrimage. Remember, when we were on our way here, to this city, the trees traveling past the windows of our railroad car? Remember the twelve poplars conferring about how to cross the river? Earlier, still, in the Crimea, I once saw a cypress bending over an almond tree in bloom. Once upon a time the cypress had been a big, tall chimney sweep with a brush on a wire and a ladder under his arm. Head over heels in love, poor fellow, with a little laundry maid, pink as almond petals. Now they have met at last, and are on their way somewhere together. Her pink apron balloons in the breeze; he bends toward her timidly, as if still worried he might get some soot on her. First-rate fable.

All trees are pilgrims. They have their Messiah, whom they seek. Their Messiah is a regal Lebanese cedar, or perhaps he is quite small, some totally inconspicuous little shrub in the tundra. ...

Today some lindens are passing through town. There was an attempt to restrain them. Circular fencing was erected around their trunks. But they move all the same. . . .

The roofs blaze like oblique, sun-blinded mirrors. A winged woman stands on a windowsill washing the panes. She bends over, pouts, brushes a strand of flaming hair from her face. The air is faintly redolent of gasoline and lindens. Who can tell, today, just what emanations gently greeted a guest entering a Pompeian atrium? A half-century from now no one will know the smells that prevailed in our streets and rooms. They will excavate some military hero of stone, of which there are hundreds in every city, and heave a sigh for Phidias of yore. Everything in the world is beautiful, but Man only recognizes beauty if he sees it either seldom or from afar. . . . Listen . . . today, we are gods! Our blue shadows are enormous. We move in a gigantic, joyous world. A tall pillar on the corner is tightly swathed in wet canvases, across which a paintbrush has scattered colored whirlwinds. The old woman who sells papers has curling gray hairs on her chin, and mad light-blue eyes. Unruly newspapers stick chaotically out of her pouch. Their large type makes me think of flying zebras.