36 Arguments for the Existence of God - [79]

Henoch had arranged that Professor Klapper, as an honored guest, would be staying with the Rebbe, and finally they arrived at the redbrick house across the street from what Roz had dubbed the Costco House of Worship.

The door was opened by the Rebbe’s little son, Azarya, the child who Roz was convinced was meant to be the future Gauss, “if we can get him away from all that kosher baloney.

“They’ll have the kid calculating how many Hasidim can dance on the top of a shtreimel. They’ll have him counting the hairs in his father’s beard and multiplying it by the hairs in his side curls to figure out the date of the Messiah’s arrival. It’s a goddamn tragedy. I’d kidnap the kid if I thought I could get away with it, and if I knew what the hell to do with a kid.”

“Why would you kidnap a child from a loving family?”

“Because that loving family are a bunch of zealots.”

“Zealots aren’t allowed to have children? That sounds pretty zealous.”

“I guess I wouldn’t outlaw zealots’ having children, if only on practical grounds, but, frankly, I think that what they do to kids is immoral. It’s immoral to indoctrinate children so that they never develop the tools to think for themselves. It’s our birthright to think about things for ourselves.”

Cass laughed.

“What?”

“You sound like my mother.”

“Well, your mother is right. She knew what she was doing when she got the hell out. I’d have thought twice about sleeping with you if you had those side curls. What do they call them again?”

“Payess. I think my mother’s rebellion had more to do with her hating her own mother so much.”

“On the contrary, I think that her hating her mother gave her the emotional distance to be objective and to judge the beliefs she was raised on with an open mind and conclude that they’re full of shit.”

“You’ve got to meet her. You and my mother are going to love each other.”

“I’d love to meet your mother. I’d love to team up with her about Azarya. Did you tell her about him? She might be our only chance to save him from the forces of benightedness.”

“I don’t know why you’re being so hard on this struggling sect that only wants to be left alone. There surely have been lots of gifted children born to families who weren’t in a position to appreciate their talents.”

“And that’s a tragedy! Wouldn’t it be tragic if Gauss’s father had had his way and his genius son had never been educated?”

“Would it? I don’t know. Not if it didn’t make anyone unhappy. Not if Gauss himself didn’t realize what he could have been.”

“Oh yeah, Gauss a happy bricklayer, or whatever his dumb-ass father had wanted for him.”

“It’s a different situation.” There were times when Cass regretted sharing what he had learned from Men in Mathematics with Roz. “Gauss would have known what he was missing. He’d had enough schooling for that. Azarya belongs to a community that’s completely insular.”

“So what you’re saying is that the best thing we can do for that child is to ensure that his ignorance is never threatened! Do you hear what you’re saying?”

“Azarya belongs to a group that reveres knowledge. Okay, so maybe he won’t be a professor of mathematics, but he’ll be a rabbinical scholar. He’ll be the Rebbe someday!”

“So you’d be okay with Gauss’s going into a monastery and counting the angels on the head of a pin.”

“Gregor Mendel did okay for himself in a monastery.”

“Because they left him alone with his pea plants! The whole problem is that Azarya belongs to a sect that thinks it reveres education, but their idea of education has nothing to do with real knowledge! The kid doesn’t even know how to read English.”

“He’s only six, for crying out loud.”

“But you know that they’re never going to teach him. They wouldn’t know how to begin to teach him what he needs to learn. You heard his dad. ‘For him they’re toys, and we let him play.’ I swear I’d kidnap him if I could.”

“Roz, cut it out. It’s upsetting.”

“Why?”

“Your values are skewed. You’d take him away from a family that loves him and that he loves. The child would be miserable. Do you think genius is the only thing that matters?”

“Oh, for chrissakes, Cass. I’m not saying I’d really kidnap him. I’m making a point. But just as an aside, I don’t think he’d be miserable if I did kidnap him. Instead of giving him candy and ice cream, like other kidnappers, I’d ply him with theorems and proofs. I’d hire MIT professors who’d make him so delirious on equations that he’d forget all about New Walden.”

“Enough.”

“No, not enough, because I haven’t yet responded to your gross hypocrisy. You’re criticizing me for placing too much emphasis on genius, when that’s what you Klapperites are totally obsessed with!”

“That’s entirely different.”

“Oh yeah? You want to explain how? Other than the major difference that Azarya Sheiner really is a prodigy.”

“Before you get in touch with my mother to hold the ladder while you abscond with Azarya in a pillowcase, you might just try speaking to his family. Tell them what you think. Tell them about Gauss. Maybe they’ll see to it that he develops his talents.”

“Oh, of course. Right after my appointment with the pope, when I explain to him why celibacy is such a disaster. And in case you didn’t notice, I’m a woman, and in that community women don’t exactly have clout. Tell them about Gauss! They’ll say, sure, wasting your life on mathematics is okay for some German goy, but not for the future Valdener Rebbe. Why don’t you try to speak to the family? Or, better yet, get the Klap to do it.”