Witness - [81]

She passed him his drink. ‘I still get the panic attacks,’ Fiona said. ‘I was so hopeful, with the therapy and the drugs. I so wanted it to work. To be better.’

He nodded. ‘I’m sorry.’ He sipped his tea.

She imagined the talk sliding into pleasantries, chit-chat about jobs and holidays, and then him leaving. Maybe she should just let it be. But she had to know. ‘You never got in touch.’

‘No.’ He coloured and cleared his throat. ‘I… er…’ He sighed, placed his mug down, twisted it, lining the handle up just so. ‘I’ve been on leave.’

‘Oh?’

He met her gaze. ‘Stress,’ he said drily but there was a different look in his eyes, a wounded look. ‘Just started back.’

She scrabbled for something to say. ‘It’s very common.’

‘The job, it’s erm…’ He faltered, tapping his finger against the handle of the cup. ‘It got to me. But,’ he brightened his tone, ‘according to the occupational shrink I am fit for purpose.’

She was full of questions. Had it been the Danny Macateer case that had got to him or another? Had he been in hospital? Was he taking drugs for his trouble, too? But she sensed that it had cost him to tell her at all and that he was not comfortable talking about it. ‘Good,’ she managed.

‘I didn’t feel up to socializing.’ He wrinkled his nose.

‘Yes, of course.’ And now? ‘We are a pair,’ she joked. ‘Stressed and petrified.’

He smiled and the warmth of it turned her stomach. She drank some tea.

Then Owen and Molly were back wanting toasties and hot chocolate and Joe said he had to get back.

Fiona saw him to the door. There was a pressure tight in her chest, fluttering in her stomach. Don’t make a fool of yourself, she thought. He’s not interested. Can’t blame him. ‘Perhaps we could go for a drink, sometime,’ she said quickly.

‘I’d like that,’ he said.

Her heart skipped a beat and a glow suffused her cheeks.

‘I can’t say when,’ he apologized.

‘No, of course, you’ll be busy. But you’ll call?’ She heard the uncertainty in her tone. So what, she thought, that’s how it was, how she was.

‘I will.’ He put his hand out to reach hers, squeezed her wrist and she screamed in pain. Joe dropped her hand and reared back in alarm. ‘Fiona?’

‘It’s all right,’ she gasped, tears springing in her eyes. ‘Just my wrist. I burnt it on the iron.’

He blew out a breath. ‘Sorry.’ Nodded at her. ‘I’ll ring you. Promise.’

She nodded back, beaming, embarrassed at how touched she felt and how elated. Her nerves alight, dancing on tiptoe and her wrist stinging like hell.

Cheryl felt another contraction start, the dull cramp growing tighter as it built, a band around her belly and her back. She blew out, leaning forward and pressing the hot water bottle close.

Milo, with his Dalmatian doggy hot water bottle, mimicked her, frowning and hissing.

‘Look at him!’ Vinia laughed. ‘Still got belly ache, Milo?’ He nodded. Then as Cheryl’s contraction ebbed away, he turned back to the TV where Wallace and Gromit were after the Were-Rabbit.

‘Forty seconds.’ Vinia was timing her.

‘How long since the last?’

‘Four minutes. Should we call?’

‘When I had Milo it was like this for ages. If they get any longer, maybe then.’

Vinia went back to flicking through the free newspaper. Cheryl paced about the living room, her hands at the hollow of her back.

‘Hey, we could get a dog,’ Vinia said.

‘No way! Nutjob! With two kids-’

‘This one’s good with children. Listen.’ Vinia read it out: ‘Bess is a reliable and friendly dog with a lovelynature and is ready for rehoming-’

‘Oh!’ Cheryl winced and clutched the top of the sofa.

‘Another?’

Cheryl nodded; too busy riding the pain to say anything. It lasted longer, she was sure. It hurt more. ‘Call now,’ she said.

Babies didn’t pay attention to shifts, Fiona had learnt that way back when she’d first done her training. And with some labours she would carry on working after her shift had finished because the continuity mattered to her, to the mother, to a successful outcome. She anticipated tonight was shaping up like that. Cheryl Williamson was booked in under the domino scheme: she would spend the first stage of labour at home then transfer to hospital for the delivery and third stage and be discharged within hours if there were no complications. For someone like Cheryl, with another child at home, it meant less disruption and for the hospital it meant a bed freed up for a woman who might need more medical assistance.

The housemate, Vinia, opened the door. Fiona had met her once, wanting to make sure that Cheryl would have some support in the days after the birth. Fiona had been seeing Cheryl for the last two months, ever since she’d returned to her role working in the community. And, boy, was she glad to be back. The first few days had felt like a trial, a test. Was she tempting fate coming back here, was she trying to induce a panic attack? She had to prove to herself that what Joe had said was true: she was not a target and she would not let the fear define her. True, her world was a harsher place since the murder: the experience had left her raw – as if someone had peeled back a protective layer to expose her vulnerability, to expose everybody’s vulnerability. The sense of security she’d had before was gone forever. The death and then the trial had changed her, as they had so many others. There was no way back. Only forward.