THUGLIT Issue One - [27]

I thought the badge meant I was untouchable.

*****

Scared-another strange face and the girl is screaming bloody fucking murder. I put one in Stud’s thigh. He drops. He cries. Arterial damage and a bloody geyser erupts.

Move-

My pocketknife slices through the ropes. She rolls up in a ball, covering herself down there. My hand on her shoulder and Jenny balls up tighter. She’s so small.

Move-

The brother on the floor yells. I wipe and toss the.45, retrieve the.357 from my ankle and put one in his gut. Lungs push rotten air out through his mouth and into my face. I gag. I aim for his nappy head. The girl whimpers and I see Jenny Hughes’s future as a funneling black whirlpool and my mind screams: Let him fucking bleed!

I don’t take the next shot.

I’ll let him fucking bleed.

Move-

I clean and drop the.357. I wrap the girl in blood-stained sheets, throw her over my shoulder and head straight for the front door, slipping and sliding while making tracks through the puddle of human fluids and melted ice cream before being thrust out into the sultry night.

Booking for my car straight down the middle of Preston Street, the 'Cuda sitting a million miles away. Lungs burning. Legs giving out. Neighborhood porch lights click on and hidden faces appear in doorways, but nobody says a threatening word and no one tries to stop me.

Running on fumes and I’m a million fucking miles away.

I’m at the passenger side door, a stitch like a blade in my side. I stash Jenny, start my ride and stomp the gas. Tires burn, smoke and then grab hold of the pavement. The steering wheel goes loose in my hand as the front end kisses the ground goodbye and I’m flying.

Hemi stroking-end of the block and I hit the corner in fourth gear, speedometer knocking on 60, an orange-red blur slicing through the night. I don’t bother looking back.

The hopeless will continue buying and selling in the streets.

The scared will continue standing still for fear of deadly retribution.

*****

Off duty night moves. For the next two years after the day they took Audrey away from me, I burned this town to the ground. I took weeks of stored-up vacation time off and dug for names, promising anyone who stood in my way that hell would be a better choice than me in front of them, me behind them.

I got names. I got places. I formed big bad habits.

Supplication. I began praying with her book in my hands, the last thing Audrey would ever touch, begging for the reprieve I would never get.

*****

Heading north on 16th Street South. Traffic’s late-night thin. I drop my speed down to the limit. Eyes ahead. Eyes to the rearview. A cruiser passes me going the opposite direction, the uniform’s eyes strafing my ride. Dicey. Window rolled halfway down, a blood-spattered nigger driving a boss crate with a brutally traumatized white girl in tow. No questions would be asked.

Goosebumps. The sticky warm night feels cold and I roll the window up. Jenny’s hunched down in the passenger seat, her moaning like a constant electric hum. Primal-she’s shutting the world out.

I put a hand on her arm. She flinches. She kicks and bites and claws my hand bloody. I reach across the seat and pull her close, her thin body going limp as the sobbing of incoherent words are being choked and jerked from her mouth.

My voice is placid, telling her the same untruths I told Audrey, over and over and over:

“Everything will be okay, sugar. I promise.”

*****

There were two of them. Two second-tier crackers I’d sent to Union County for a deuce. Time served. Shyster’s working overtime.

They served six months.

I took six months from them and they ripped my fucking life apart.

I won’t make excuses to justify. I opened their stomachs while they were still alive and watched them die a slow and bloody death in an abandoned Midtown warehouse for two long days. I’d do it again. Even after the swarming greenbottle flies and the smell of men losing control and their begging, I’d do it again. I’ve already crossed the line and I’ll keep crossing it until He hears me.

Until He understands what living is doing to me.

*****

Next morning, early.

I throw my shield on my Sergeant Brice’s desk. He’s sitting in his shirtsleeves with blue veins plumped out on his forearms and biceps, a reluctant seat shiner. He looks at the shield, lights a cigarette and then stares me down while talking in his raspy phlegmatic voice.

“Don’t let ‘em beat you like this, Mike. Don’t let this…society we live in and what happened to Audrey dictate your life.” He points at me with the cigarette crushed between two nicotine-stained fingers. “We’ve been through this a dozen times in the last two years, so just pick up your badge and walk the fuck back out that door.”

Society. Ghosts. One and the same.

In a nigger drawl, I give him a bullshit self-serving excuse. “Yeah, wouldn’t want the department to lose another token jig.” Bulge those eyes. Shuffle those feet. “What would da colored folk think then?” I shake my head, dig down deep for a grin, come up snake eyes. “Listen…it’s time, Sarge. We’ve both known it for a while now. I’m no good for this anymore. I just can’t fucking do it.”