Split Second - [7]

She fed the fish and went into the kitchen. She hadn’t had anything to eat since lunch, but with all that bother on the bus, she felt queasy still. Maybe something light? She opened the fridge and got out the Philadelphia cream cheese, put bread in the toaster and went to change out of her office clothes.

She settled in front of the telly with her plate and a mug of cappuccino. She kept flicking the channels, but there was nothing that held her attention. There was a repeat of A Place in the Sun: Home or Away on, but it was one she’d seen first time round. The couples were so choosy, and didn’t ever seem to actually settle on a place. They never liked the places that Emma did.

Sometimes Emma thought about working abroad. The sort of job she had, working in the claims office of an insurance company, meant she had quite a lot of transferable skills, for other office work at least, but she didn’t speak any other languages. ‘Barely speaks English,’ her dad would say. ‘Don’t mumble, girl.’

He’d always been impatient with her, impatient and disappointed. Because she got tongue-tied, because she was shy, he decided she was stupid. She sometimes wondered when it had started: had he been critical even when she was a baby? Because she was chubby (in other words fat), because she slept a lot and didn’t walk until she was eighteen months old, and because when she talked, her speech was whispered, hesitant. Had she been born like that, or grown to match his expectations: someone with no guts, no gumption, no wit? Feeble, worthless.

Emma texted her mum as she did every night, told her that work had been busy and town had been frantic. She paused, thinking about the bus: the hard face on the lad who hit the mixed-race boy, the girl’s thin giggle, that awful feeling, tight and sick, making you want to close your eyes and block your ears. She couldn’t have done anything, could she? She thought about telling her mum, but then her dad would want to talk to her, and she couldn’t face him now. She shook away thoughts of the bus; she was home, it was done with. She typed that it was snowing and sent the text.

Unable to settle, she turned off the lamp and pulled the curtains open. That way the velvet blue light from the aquarium cast a glow in the room. Outside, she could see the snow falling: rhythmic cascades of flakes, quick and quiet. The roof of the ticket office was cushioned in snow, as was the fence and the platform. Everything looked softer and cleaner somehow with the white covering.

Watching the fish usually helped her relax. Hypnotic or something. She didn’t know how it worked, but following them as they drifted to and fro would calm her down. The stripy green discus fish darted and turned swiftly in the tank, and the shoal of little neon tetras, sparkling blue and silver and red, wove in harmony through the weed. Emma stared for long enough, but her stomach was all knotted up. Maybe she was just too tired tonight. She’d feel better after a good long sleep. And it was Saturday tomorrow – a lie-in.

Andrew

Andrew and Val sat in the waiting area for close to an hour. The place was quiet, just the faint background shush of air-conditioning, and now and then the squeak of footsteps as someone in scrubs or overalls wandered past along the corridor. The lights were harsh, recessed behind shiny silver grids in the low ceiling. At either end of the space, cheap foil banners proclaimed Merry Christmas, and someone had taped a sprig of plastic holly above the big round clock.

Andrew was thirsty; his tongue felt rough and too large for his mouth, his throat ached, peppery, but he would not move to go and find a drink. Someone would come. They must wait here.

Every few minutes Val spoke to him, often repeating herself. ‘They must have had a knife but he didn’t know. He didn’t even know he’d been hurt. He walked inside, you saw him. He was so worried about the one they’d set upon, he didn’t even think about himself. Why didn’t he ring the police instead of charging in like that?’ They weren’t questions to be answered, just asked over and over like penance, a chant of angry disbelief flung to the Fates or the Gods, falling on stone-deaf ears.

In the silences between, Andrew watched the long, slim black hand on the clock edge past the minutes. He got up and walked to the double doors, left ajar, and stared at the map of the hospital on the wall. The garish blocks of colour indicating different wards, a bewildering key below organized alphabetically by complaint rather than numerically by ward, starting with the emergency department: adult emergency. They were somewhere there.

He’d done some sessions in the rehabilitation unit here for one of his placements when he’d been training. He still did some NHS work alongside his private practice, but almost all of it at Wythenshawe Hospital, a few miles south, on the edge of the city. That had been a tough time – his training. He’d left his job in the local authority planning department after six months on sick leave with work-related stress. Val, also at the town hall, working in training, had wanted him to sue for constructive dismissal, furious at the insidious bullying by his manager, but Andrew hadn’t had the energy or the emotional wherewithal to do anything more than limp away. He was close to cracking up completely, and just the thought of confronting his manager, of statements and meetings and tribunals, made him panic. His health was more precious than winning the argument.