Электронный жаргонарий - [17]

11. Сисиемасистик: Долго ругает узера и юзера за бестолковость и хоас в щкафу, расходует три рабочих дня на наведение в шкафу маломальского порядка, после чего свободного места в нем не остается, и необходимые носки выкидываются оттуда на помойку.

12. Паскалянт: Открывает обе створки шкафа, ищет носки, находит чулки, переопределяет собственный тип, надевает чулки, красит губы и садится за LINES.

13. Сыч: Ищет носки, не находит, долго ругает Борланда, затем полгода строит в шкафу носкостроительную фабрику.

14. Сыч с прицепом: Смотри п.13; потом долго ходит весь обвешанный разноцветными носками и хвастается ими перед подругами.

15. Асматик: В шкаф не лезет, однако снимает с себя штаны, распускает их на нитки, потом вяжет из ниток носки, костюм-тройку, занавеску на окна, а также постельное белье. На наволочку ниток не хватает, и тогда он расплетает носки.

16. Хакер: Разворачивает шкаф, выбивает у него заднюю стенку, лезет внутрь, режет все пакеты и ткани, пока не находит носки. Носит носки гордо, но в глубокой тайне (то есть в ботинках).

17. Байсяк: Находит носки, но не в силах их надеть, так как слишком стеснен свежими пеленками.

18. Бухгалтерьер: Если находит носки, то тут же прячет их так, что никто и никогда не найдет.

О детях

Получив на уроке информатики двойку, Сидоров удалил страницу и переформатировал дневник.

Тоp Ten Signs That Linux Has Bill Gates Worried

* 10 - New numbering scheme. Instead of Windows95, it is now Windows

3.1.pl95.

* 9 - His wife says he's wild in bed now. He is tossing and turning in his

sleep, not just laying there.

* 8 - Microsoft's headquarter moves to Finland.

* 7 - Window's performance is now measured in BogoGPF's.

* 6 - Bill's consulting with his lawyers on whether or not they could defeat

the GPL.

* 5 - 1995 is here. Linux is here. Something isn't.

* 4 - Flowers sent to Janet Reno with a note saying "What's a little

anti-trust between friends."

* 3 - Renames Star Wars action figures as "Bill Skywalker" and "Darth

Torvalds"

* 2 - Whenever someone asks him about Windows, all he can say is "X"

* 1 - He sent Linus the source for Windows95 with a note that says "HELP ME

SAVE MY ASS!"

Brian A. Lantz([email protected]) Last updated: March 1, 1995

Does god know unix?

Take your time to understand this riddle.

This is the funniest message I have ever read.

GOD ONLINE ************************

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said

:Let there be light!

#Enter user id.

:God

#Enter password.

:Omniscient

#Password incorrect. Try again.

:Omnipotent

#Password incorrect. Try again.

:Technocrat

*

#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

:Let there be light!

#Unrecognizable command. Try again.

:Create light

#Done

:Run heaven and earth

#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. #Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.

#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

:Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light

#Unrecognizable command. Try again.

:Create firmament

#Done.

:Run firmament

#And God made the earth. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2. #Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.

#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

:Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and

#Too many characters in specification string. Try again.

:Create dry_land

#Done.

:Run firmament

#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3. #Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.

#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

:Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night

#Unspecified type. Try again.

:Create sun_moon_stars

#Done

:Run sun_moon_stars

#And God saw the day and the night. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4. #Approx. funds remaining: $54.00.

#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

:Create fish

#Done

:Create fowl

#Done

:Run fish, fowl

#And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.

#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5. #Approx. funds remaining: $45.00.

#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.

:Create cattle

#Done

:Create creepy_things

#Done

:Now let us make man in our image

#Unspecified type. Try again.

:Create man

#Done

:Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth

#Too many command operands. Try again.

:Run multiplication

#Execution terminated. 6 errors.

:Insert breath

#Done

:Run multiplication

#Execution terminated. 5 errors.

:Move man to Garden of Eden

#File Garden of Eden does not exist.

:Create Garden.edn

#Done

:Move man to Garden.edn